Emotional Custody Battle Gets Hairy

Previously I've posted a number of stories about the custody battle for Emma and Jackson. They are two chimpanzees currently residing at Chimps Inc. in Bend, Oregon.

CBS Evening News recently did a broadcast about this situation. You can view it at CBS Evening News Broadcast.

I know the people who run Chimps Inc. I have the highest confidence that they are providing a loving and safe environment for all of their primate guests.

I encourage you to contact Chimps Inc. and make a donation to support their wonderful work.

"Saving two chimpanzees won't change the world, but it will change the world for those two chimpanzees."

Starting Out in the Evening

“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I like movies about people. I enjoy them even if they don’t have exploding helicopters or computer generated monsters. Human beings are the most compelling focus for film. We can never realize all there is to know about our species, so this subject is a bottomless source of enlightenment and wisdom.

A good relationship movie can take place in one room and still be rich in content and rewarding in its message. A case in point is My Dinner with Andre. It is the process of personal interaction that captures our attention and makes us want to learn more about the characters. This dynamic holds more interest than the body count in a shoot ‘em up adventure saga.

Fiction gives the author a larger scope to present the human condition, because he (or she) is not limited by actual events. An individual’s inner discourse can be revealed in the first person format. Dialogue tells us how the characters perceive the world and interact with each other. We are what we say. Dialogue also supports the narrative flow. A film would quickly lose its audience if it consisted entirely of description.

A new motion picture of this genre is Starting Out in the Evening, directed by Andrew Wagner. SOitE examines the life of Leonard Schiller (portrayed by Frank Langella) an aging novelist who struggles with the knowledge of his impending demise and loss of artistic inspiration. His character is not demonstrative, so Langella has to present him in an understated manner. His facial expressions alone convey half his message. This is not easily done unless you have mastered the craft of acting, and in this performance, the veteran thespian is at the top of his game.

The story line incorporates a daughter Ariel (Lili Taylor), who struggles with turning 40 while remaining unmarried and childless. She dearly loves her father and enjoys a good relationship with him. Earlier in Ariel's life, Leonard devoted the majority of his time and focus to writing, so she is anxious to garner any scraps of attention while he is still alive.

After many years of struggle to succeed as a dancer, Ariel has resigned herself to living on the edges of her chosen vocation, by teaching yoga and Pilates.

The one area where Ariel and Leonard differ is men. The love of her life is Casey (Adrian Lester) who broke her heart once before when their relationship dissolved over the issue of children. When Ariel reconnects with Casey, her father is not shy about voicing his disapproval. He fears that a second breakup will plunge his daughter into an emotional tailspin like she experienced after the first affair.

Ariel and Casey are made for each other. In some scenes, Ariel glows so intently when she is with her man that you can feel the heat coming off the screen. He feels the same about her, and at Ariel’s 40th birthday party expresses how she completes his life.

But the subject of children is a stumbling block. She wants them. He doesn’t. In their second go round, they try to avoid this critical issue by opting to keep their affair “hot and light”, a strategy that is doomed to failure.

A fourth character is Heather (Lauren Ambrose) who contacts the writer, because he is the focus of her master’s thesis. Although Leonard is reserved and cautious, she charms and sometimes bullies her way into his life. He agrees to a series of interviews, which quickly transition their professional relationship into a personal one. Heather brings the freshness and enthusiasm of youth back into Leonard’s existence. In exchange he bestows upon her a lifetime of literary wisdom. The film's title, Starting Out in the Evening, reflects the interaction between these two characters.

But Heather’s probing questions force Leonard to reexamine his life and work at a time when he would rather forego such painful analysis. The tension this creates is one of the core dynamics of the movie.

One writer describes seeing a well crafted motion picture as “going down the rabbit hole”. Even though you are sitting in a darkened room, watching light pass through a series of celluloid images, you are taken to another place, where you become one with the characters and experience their most intimate emotions. It is cathartic and changes you. You are a different person for the rest of your life after seeing the film. The process adds one brick to the wall of experience that supplements your consciousness.

That is the magic of art. It alters us and allows us to see the world from a new perspective. SOitE reminds us that life is yin and yang. It is a cycle. We are born, we are young, we get old, and then we die. Each stage has a lesson to teach us. We wouldn’t have wisdom if we didn’t live long enough to acquire it. And we wouldn’t have the fearlessness and enthusiasm of youth if we knew everything that would go wrong with our lives.

No matter what point you are at in your life, Starting Out in the Evening will reacquaint you with the fact that your existence is precious and ephemeral. Enjoy the now and savor your time here on Earth. For, to paraphrase Dylan Thomas, soon enough you will "go gentle into that good night".

First Person Arts

“Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very;" your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” ~Mark Twain

Many new writers plunge into the world of literature with unbounded enthusiasm and blind confidence. Ignorance is bliss when you start writing, so at this point I am as ecstatic as St. Teresa. I don’t know what I am doing yet, but this provides an emotional buffer – because I don’t know when I make mistakes. However I have figured out a few things:

Don’t use the words “very” or “really” unless it is really very necessary to convey your message. Thanks, Mr. Twain, for the tip.

Don’t use any word twice or thrice in the same one or two paragraphs. It’s redundant, and makes your work less interesting. OK, I’ll cut you some slack on definite articles. Add Thesaurus.Com to your web favorites and use it often. And don’t use the word “thrice” unless Shakespeare comes to you in a dream and asks you to rewrite Hamlet.

Don’t worry about the first draft being perfect. As Larry the Cable Guy says, “Just get ‘er done.“ and complete a framework. This can later be enhanced and refined.

Writers need ideas to create their stories and then a format to present them. I can’t help you with the first one, but I’ve discovered a wonderful resource for the second – First Person Arts. Their website is First Person Arts. Their message is:

“History: First Person Arts was founded in 2000 as Blue Sky by Vicki Solot, in response to the burgeoning interest in memoir and documentary art forms. Solot appreciated the resonance of real stories and recognized their value as a means of bridging cultural ethnic divides. With the involvement of a visionary board, First Person Arts set out to support the development of new memoir and documentary work and to create opportunities for it to be seen and appreciated by many. In just four years, First Person Arts has showcased the work of more than 100 artists nationwide; We have reached across cultures and communities to attract a broad and diverse audience; and have played an important role in exploring and celebrating the richness of the mixed heritage and shared history of everyday Americans.”

“Our Mission: First Person Arts transforms the drama of real life into documentary art to foster appreciation for our unique and shared experience.”

The group’s name is well chosen, because they are looking for stories written in the first person – monologues - from real people about real events and thoughts. There may be a Second or Third Person Arts out there somewhere, but that’s a story for another day. And the Fourth Person Arts people bring time and extra dimensions into the picture, so perhaps we should leave them to the subatomic physicists.

I recently discovered O. Henry, the short story writer. His ideas came from human interaction. A woman’s face on a streetcar or a conversation overheard in a restaurant could provide enough spark for him to create an entire story. He couldn’t write by just sitting at his desk and imagining. People were an integral part of the process.

Good literature often borrows from real life. Reality gives these works believable structure. The reason that many stories fail is because the authors create worlds that don’t ring true. Readers are the touchstone and they’re hard to fool.

I believe that every person on this planet has an interesting story to tell. The key is to identify an engaging portion of it and then present it in a way that will captivate readers. First Person Arts provides an opportunity for writers and lay people to be heard, and to experience the creative process. In doing so, many “civilians” may discover their voice, and develop a desire to continue writing. I can’t think of a better gift to give another human being.

I recently had a chance to sit down with Jillian Ivey, whose job title is Communications and Marketing Coordinator. I was impressed with her knowledge, intellect, and energy. She had wisdom and insight that typically only come after spending half a century on this Earth. Any yet she is still in her twenties. Jillian has been in (and supported) theatre productions, done standup comedy, and written prose and poetry. In addition, she is an editor for Phillyist. Ms. Ivey is a modern Leonardo - or more correctly, Leonardette.

I enjoyed speaking with Jillian because there hasn’t been much opportunity for me to talk with other authors. I’ve spoken to a few Arthurs, but it’s just not the same. Writing is by nature a solitary process, like meditating or, well, playing solitaire. As a result, the human feedback loop is minimal. The exchange of ideas with Jillian was stimulating and uplifting. After talking to her, I felt more confident about pursuing a career as a wordsmith.

Whether you aspire to be a writer or not, the First Person Arts website is worth checking out. After all, writers and readers are both necessary to bring literature to life.

Monkey Prose Poetry Profile - Waxing GrassHoppeR

“There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either.” ~Robert Graves

Poetry has always been a cipher to me, an unknown entity - both intimidating and alluring. Reading poetry looked harder than Chinese algebra. Therefore I have little experience with this art form. However, in the spirit of self improvement, I’ve decided to dive into the deep end of the poetry pool, and see if I can swim among the sonnets, stanzas, and similes.

First, I need to define what poetry is. The Wallkill Central School District (a favorite haunt of literati) defines poetry as: “a type of literature in which ideas and feelings are expressed in compact, imaginative, and often musical language. Poets arrange words in ways designed to touch readers’ senses, emotions, and minds. Most poems are written in lines that may contain patterns of rhyme and rhythm.” OK, I can understand that.

Second, I need to determine why many people anticipate reading poetry with the same dread as a trip to the dentist. I think it’s because we were beaten over the head with poetry in school. Teachers required us to memorize poems and dissect them like medical students’ cadavers. Very few educators conveyed the message that poetry could bring wonder, excitement, and new insights about life.

The word “poetry” brings back memories of learning verses by heart, and then reading them aloud - a standard protocol for the nuns at St. Peter’s Grammar School. While there, I renamed my learning institution God’s Gulag, a phrase I only dared to voice beyond earshot of The Penguins. The nuns would punish miscreant memorizers with a ruler to the knuckles. Therefore I was conditioned to associate poetry with pain.

These facts explain why many perceive reading poetry as an unpleasant task - something to be slogged through with gritted teeth, like doing homework or taking out the garbage. No wonder so many of us shy away from it!

Third, types of poetry should be discussed. The two categories are rhymers and roamers (free verse). Rhyming poetry includes music lyrics, so we all have been exposed to and enjoyed poetry. Free verse is just that – free. There is significantly more latitude to convey thoughts without the constraints of meter and rhyme. I prefer free verse – because it costs less. Ba-dum-BUMP! No seriously folks, it’s great to Regain Paradise! (John Milton must be turning over in his grave.)

In the course of writing this article I realized that the poetic process synthesizes a concept down to a few well chosen words. This produces works that are purified and polished like 24 carat gold or cut diamonds. Thus I’ve begun to enjoy poetry’s structure as well as its message. This activity appeals to my penchant for perfection. A typical Monkey Prose blog post might go through as many as 50 revisions before I publish it. I blame this on traumatic potty training.

My first foray into poetry involves a fellow blogger and wordsmith - Waxing GrassHoppeR. I’m guessing that’s not his real name. I can envision him at a black tie party. “Oh, GrassHoppeR . . . of the Philadelphia GrassHoppeRs?” Hmmm, I don’t think so.

You can read his profile at Waxing GrassHoppeR Profile. His poetry blog can be found at A Blade of Grass. The blog’s subtitle is “Everything speaks in its own way. The earth speaks. The plants and animals and insects and birds speak. Everything has a voice. I'm trying to listen to the words of the world around me.” That is poetry in itself.

Since I’m as qualified to critique poetry as I am to pilot the Space Shuttle, I can only give you my impressions of Waxing GrassHoppeR’s work, so here goes:

Star, Star:

One night when I was young I looked up into the stars.

One seemed to fall and shot across the sky.

I wondered, Where did it go?

Went looking for it but my world was too wee.

Sat down and cried alone in the trees.

Only found home when the sun rose.

I grew and my world grew with me.

I learned and read.

I traveled and worked.

I saw the beauty of the natural world and its life.

Saw the state of my fellow, virtue and vice.

I came to know people.

To love one of them.

Madly in love so I couldn't even tell.

Could only glance sparks like the twinkle of a star who can't know how my heart leaps out of my chest and I wondered if maybe the star was still and I was dancing in the night sky.

Loved like that.

One night when I was young I saw a star shoot.

I wondered, Where did it go?

Now I'm older I see that the brightest star fell through my hands as I watched.

Last night I was reading “A Good Dog” by John Katz. He described how he became simpatico with the universe through a star called Sirius. One night, it shined down on him with blazing intensity. Then the energy flow became two way. John communicated with The Dog Star like a high speed Internet connection. The author said the experience was profound and transcendent.

GrassHoppeR’s poem echoes the same sensation. He questions “I wondered if maybe the star was still and I was dancing in the night sky.” GrassHoppeR felt a need to connect with the natural world beyond him. Stars are obvious visual tools. Humans have looked at the stars and wondered ever since primitive man first appeared.

GrassHoppeR believes that we are the only creatures out of sync with the world. In a prose commentary after his poem, his states “everything else is balanced in nature and form except us... this just isn't right... everything else but man makes sense.” Global warming and pollution reinforce his conclusion.

In the poem, GrassHoppeR expresses:

One night when I was young I looked up into the stars.

One seemed to fall and shot across the sky.

I wondered, Where did it go?

Went looking for it but my world was too wee.

Sat down and cried alone in the trees.

He presents the idea that all of us, whether we know it or not, have an intrinsic need to connect with nature. It is necessary for us to feel whole. I believe that much of the alienation and depression modern humans experience is because we have broken our umbilical cord to the world. Without it we feel cut off and alone.

Untitled

We fly our flags at half mast for dead soldiers...
Let's raise them up
to where they should be
and leave the banners in the muck.

The War in Iraq was my first thought when I read this poem. The US has lost over 3,000 soldiers, with very little to show for it.

Wars rarely solve political problems. Talking works much better, and is a lot cheaper. We don’t have to agree with another country to talk with them. Dialogue is the beginning of mutual understanding, and understanding can lead to solutions. Just look at what Jimmy Carter accomplished in North Korea and George Mitchell in Northern Ireland.

GrassHoppeR raises the idea that war is not something to be glorified. It should be a last resort. I have the greatest respect for soldiers who have given their lives for their countries. But it is the responsibility of world leaders to only put their soldiers into harm’s way when no other option is available.

Reflection and reconciliation should take precedence over victory when a war is concluded. The key questions should be “How can we prevent this from happening again?” and “How can we reconcile with our former enemy?”, not “Look how we kicked their asses!” GrassHoppeR’s poem captures this sentiment very well.

Stuck in a dory on a stormy sea...

... oh my oh me... what will I do when the stormy sea falls in on me... will it make my eyes like those of the fish thawing in the sink... will I turn pink... blue... will I see you... oh my poor little beat of a heart... boo who for me... boo who for you...

Here's water's wisdom... whether rain or sea or river or tears... water keeps moving... without pity for itself... like the world under water... as it is...

So if stuck in a dory on a stormy sea remember... nothing is forever... not even water or storms... all things move to one feather... one brush... one tide...

GrassHoppeR’s imagery is compelling. When he says “will it make my eyes like those of the fish thawing in the sink... will I turn pink... blue” he appears to be contemplating drowning. He is wondering if his body will assume the visage of a dead fish. I can see the fish in the sink when I read this poem, and smell it as well.

His comments on water illustrate a primary difference between man and his environment. We sometimes put our lives into neutral to contemplate things, while the juggernaut that is nature always keeps moving forward. If we could get more in touch with that flow, then perhaps we would feel more connected, and realize more peace.

Conclusion: I very much like Waxing GrassHoppeR’s poetry. I understand his voice. He elicits powerful imagery. It has increased my enjoyment of poetry, and motivated me to read more. As Kwai Chang Caine’s master told him in the TV Program Kung Fu, “Well done, GrassHoppeR!”

Save the Chimpanzees - Save the World

Emma and Jackson at Chimps Inc.

On Monday November 26, 2007 CBS Evening News will air a story about Emma and Jackson. They are chimpanzees at Chimps Inc., a primate care facility in Bend, Oregon.

Earlier this year, the pair were rescued from a Texas animal shelter that was placed under court supervision - for alleged neglect and abuse of its inhabitants. Now the previous owners want Emma and Jackson back. Chimps Inc. is opposed to returning them. A legal battle is taking place for custody. The survival of these two creatures may hang in the balance.

The United States has 70% of the world's lawyers, but only 5% of its population. Americans like to sue as much as they like Budweiser and ice cream. But a lawsuit's impact is more serious than a beer belly or high cholesterol. Litigation is expensive. Most of us can't afford to pursue a legal battle for long (no matter how just) because the Lawyer Meter never stops running. You can rack up thousands of dollars in legal bills faster than you can say Clarence Darrow.

This conflict is eating up a lot of Chimps Inc.'s banana money - resources that would be better spent feeding and caring for their primates.

I've known Lesley Day (President) and Paula Muellner (Executive Director) for quite a while. I have the highest confidence in their integrity and their ability to provide a loving and safe environment for the animals who reside at Chimps Inc. I encourage you to support them by making a donation. You can do so at Donate to Chimps Inc. Your help is very much appreciated!

"Saving two chimpanzees will not change the world, but it will change the world for those two chimpanzees." - Chimps Inc.

Monkey Prose Report Card on Best Buy – Grade: "C"

“Being on par in terms of price and quality only gets you into the game. Service wins the game.”
- Tony Alessandra

I won’t be going back to Best Buy any time soon. Why? Because they failed to meet a basic service requirement – resolve customer problems quickly and completely.

And so, dear readers, I'll tell you my tale of woe. I recently went to Best Buy Store No. 457, in Rockaway, NJ, and signed up for a Geek Squad home service call. My wife’s new laptop needed to have Windows Vista set up, and new software installed. But shortly after the Geek Squad representative left our house, Trudi’s computer crashed and I came face to face with the terrifying Blue Screen of Death. Aaaaaaaah!

Because my faith in the goodness of humanity was unassailed, I assumed that any store worth its salt would want to fix a service problem posthaste. I could not have been wronger! A phone call to The Geek Squad’s 800 number put me in touch with a woman who couldn’t have cared less unless she was in a coma. When a customer service rep’s tone of voice never changes, you know you’re in trouble. This girl raised the bar on passive aggressive behavior to new heights. If there was an Olympic Medal for “I Don’t Give a Damn”, this young lady would have been a slam dunk for the Gold. She informed me that a return service call might take up to two months because, well, “other people were already scheduled”. In other words, Best Buy’s policy on service was “If we don’t get it right the first time, we will fix the problem - but only when it’s convenient for us, not you ”. My response - as Ralph Cramden would say – was “Bang Zoom!”

OK, so the phone approach crashed and burned. Plan B was to visit the store and talk to someone in authority. Again my hopes were crushed - like a squirrel under the wheels of a Kenworth Truck. Shane, the Store Manager, displayed a compelling lack of desire to drive my problem to It’s All Better Street. No Christmas Card for him! After a healthy yawn to accent his disinterest, Shawn passed me off to Alan, the Geek Squad Manager. Alan “copped a tude” when I suggested that Geek Squad should send someone back to my house ASAP. He echoed the position of the Geek phone rep that “Hey, there are other people in line for service – so you’ll just have to wait.” When I informed Alan that I would not pay for an incomplete installation, he responded that I had to pay for it - whether the job was done correctly or not. And he refused to give me credit for returning the software. Grrrrrr! That’s two less Christmas Cards.

Plan C (a personal favorite) was to contact the CEO of the company. My letter to Bradbury H. Anderson was soon answered by Michael Arrighi, Geek Squad Public Defender, Executive Resolution Team. In my correspondence with Michael, he was polite, professional, and made a genuine effort to resolve my complaint. He even sent me a $50.00 gift certificate, to compensate me for my inconvenience. But Michael stopped short of promising that Best Buy would change their code of conduct. So - to this day – Best Buy’s policy remains: A customer is obligated to pay for a Geek Squad service or software installation, whether it is performed properly or not. If problems arise, Best Buy sets no time limit for when a job must be completed. And there is no mechanism for a dissatisfied customer to receive a refund (or any other compensation) for unacceptable service. Even monkeys could tell you this policy is flawed.

But in fairness to Best Buy, I also feel obligated to tell you what they do right:

Good Thing No. 1: The level of Geek Squad service is usually excellent. I’ve used them three times, and they’ve always finished the job properly (although not necessarily in one visit). Edward Donlin, the Geek Squad Rep who worked on our computer, came back three times (in the first week) until everything was functioning correctly. He made sure that I understood everything he did, and he adequately answered all my questions. But I suspect that the rapid response was because I complained to so many people in the organization. Otherwise I might still be waiting. This leads me to believe that other customers in my situation could endure long lead times to get service problems resolved.

Good Thing No. 2: Best Buy has excellent prices, which often can’t be beat - even by Internet retailers.

Good Thing No. 3: The store employees are well trained and professional. They are helpful when you need assistance, and are not too pushy about closing sales or hawking extended warranties.

The Internet has changed the dynamic of human interaction. In the past, if a customer had a negative experience with a store, they would tell (on average) 11 people. Now, because of the Web, that same person can tell 5,000 people in a short period of time. And bad news travels fast, so an e-complaint can snowball and reach even more people. It is therefore advisable for any company to establish customer service policies that keep pace with modern consumer expectations. And these expectations are rising steadily as people share more information and become better informed about the best available products and services.

Based on this information, the Monkey Prose Report Card awards a Grade of “C” to Best Buy. If you read my blog post about H&R Block, you will see another customer service scenario where a company did everything exceptionally well – and was awarded an A+.

Since the retailer being discussed here has “Best” in their name, they should be a leader in customer service for the electronics retailing market. Right now they are “Just OK” in this area, but with some enlightened changes, they could truly live up to their title and become the Best Buy in both products and services.

I welcome comments from Best Buy. I also invite readers to share their Best Buy experiences.

Monkey Prose Report Card on H+R Block – Grade: A+

"There are no traffic jams along the extra mile."
- Roger Staubach

In corporate culture, information and influence are concentrated at the top. As you travel up a company’s organizational chart, the executives acquire more “juice” and are more focused on customer satisfaction. So when you experience a product or service problem, sometimes the best course of action is to go directly to the CEO. Do not pass "GO" - Do not collect $200.

My latest customer service experience was with H&R Block, and involved my 2005 income tax returns. Earlier this year, I discovered that H&R Block made a mistake on these forms. This error made it necessary for my wife and I to pay additional taxes and interest. When I contacted John D’Agostino, a Senior Tax Adviser in the Morristown, NJ office, he invited us to come in (the same day) to discuss this matter. After verifying that H&R Block did make a miscalculation, he redid our taxes, and prepared our amended returns. John was professional, patient, and polite during this process. He was thorough in his explanation of the problem and the corrective action. We were very impressed!

During our conversation, I indicated to John that since our 2005 income tax returns contained mistakes, I believed that we should be issued a refund for the preparation fee. John replied that he was not authorized to do this, and referred my request to the H&R Block Regional Office. However something must have gotten “lost in the sauce”, and the higher ups never contacted me. But I didn’t get too upset because mis-communication often occurs when you go from one level of mid-management to another.

I then implemented Operation Go to the Top and sent a letter to Mark A. Ernst, Chairman, President, and CEO of H&R Block Inc. When writing this letter, I recalled the wisdom of Jerry Maguire – “Help Me - Help You!”. I provided enough information so that Mr. Ernst had a clear understanding of what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what needed to be done to make things right.

Two weeks later I received a full refund for my 2005 income tax preparation fee, and a very gracious letter from Melissa Warren, of the H&R Block Regional/Executive Client Relations Office. A short time later, Melissa sent us an additional check for the interest that was owed on our taxes. Wow!

While I was upset that a mistake was made, I have enough experience in business (and life) to know that “stuff” happens. Every company makes mistakes. But what separates the white cowboy hats from the black ones is how a company responds to complaints. Is the company hostile and argumentative or do they make a sincere effort at resolution? One of my favorite quotes is:

“Customers don’t expect you to be perfect. They do expect you to fix things when they go wrong.”
- Donald Porter, VP British Airways

In both business and personal relationships, you never really know how much integrity the other party has - until you see how they deal with problems. Based on our experience, H&R Block is definitely one of the good guys. Would I use them again? Yes! Would I recommend them to other people? Yes!

Another favorite phrase is:

"Treat every customer as if they sign your paycheck, because they do."
- Author Unknown

Monkey Prose awards a Grade of A+ to H&R Block for their exemplary customer service. I am confident that “putting the customer first” will guarantee H&R Block’s continued success in the future!

Monkey Prose is Mentioned in Wired Magazine

The November 2007 issue of Wired Magazine (page 30) features an excerpt from a Monkey Prose article - Toxic Cloud May Have a Silver Lining. This was a commentary on Creatures From the Black Lagoon by Guy Gugliotta, which appeared in the September 2007 issue of Wired.

The story was about researchers Don and Andrea Stierle, who discovered cancer killing microbes at a toxic waste site in Montana.

This is my first article to be published in print, and it is very exciting! I would like to thank my parents for pushing me to take those "Write for the Internet" classes back in the 1960's. At the time, I didn't see the point, since the World Wide Web wouldn't be invented for another 30 years. But Mom and Pop were visionaries, and they turned out to be right. Go figure!

Now, if I can only get my daughter Britton to invest in those Moon Real Estate Futures, then the family legacy of clairvoyant counseling will have been passed on.

Thank you Wired Magazine for publishing an excerpt from my blog, and for teaching me how to spell "excerpt"!

Canadian Commentary

Cartoon copyright 2005 Harry Bliss
Distributed by Tribune Media Services Inc 12/20
http://www.harrybliss.com/

“To agree to disagree, to harness diversity, to respect dissent, perhaps this is the real essence of Canada.”
- Robert L. Perry

The average American knows as much about Canada as the dark side of the moon. But I've recently started traveling there for business, so that gap in my geopolitical education has been filled. The more time I spend in Canada, the more I like it. If I had to describe our Northern Neighbor in one sentence, I would say “Canada is the United States – without the attitude and the guns.”

Michael Moore came to the same conclusion in his film “Bowling for Columbine”. In one scene, he traveled from Detroit (the Murder Capital of the US) to Windsor, Ontario, which is just on the other side of the Detroit River. In Motown, the atmosphere of fear and danger was palpable. Yet across the river, people didn’t even lock their doors. Moore also observed that even though Canada had more guns per capita, their murder rate was much lower. The obvious solution to America's violence problem is therefore to mandate that armed robberies and drive-bys can only be carried out by Canadian citizens. This will reduce their frequency to that of a solar eclipse.

A good word to initiate an understanding of Canadians is “nice”. But unfortunately, many Americans equate “nice” with "boring". In high school, “nice” guys were the ones that cool girls wouldn’t date - but who were acceptable candidates for copying homework. So this definition is far too limited to capture the essence of Canadianicity. (My new word – coming soon to a Wikipedia near you.)

More accurate adjectives for “Canadian” are “civilized”, “respectful”, and “moderate”. Eliminating the extremes of human behavior makes life less of a roller coaster, and substantially reduces stress. In Canada, I expect to have good interactions with people. I know I won't be the recipient of an emotional shotgun blast from someone having a bad day. I’m also confident that cars around me will use their turn signals and avoid tailgating. During my last trip, I can’t even recall any of my fellow drivers honking! Most Canadians think that Road Rage is a video game.

Another word that captures the essence of “Canadian” is “evolved”. It’s like Homo Sapiens Vs Neanderthal. (Guess which species the US represents?) Canadians have figured out how to interact with themselves and the world in a way that doesn’t make others feel angry or offended. I can’t think of a better mission statement for a nation. Winston Churchill said “That long (Canadian) frontier from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean, guarded by only neighborly respect and honorable obligations, is an example to every country and a pattern for the future of the world.” And William Arthur Deacon observed “There has never been a war of Canadian origin, nor for a Canadian cause.”

But why is the culture of these Palefaces from Polar Bear Land so different from ours? I offer the following explanation:

Reason 1: Cold – It gets really cold in Canada. I’m talking about C-c-c-c-c-old! Last February I was in Montreal when it was –20 degrees F. And that was considered to be a heat wave! When I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant, I knew I had transitioned out of the Temperate Zone. It’s tough to start a war or act in an aggressive manner when you’re freezing! Instead of contemplating world domination, the only things you care about are a warm fire and hot cocoa.

So Global Warming also represents a threat to the world's political stability. If the Canadians thaw out enough, they may start expanding their borders – and take over the North Pole. And there goes Christmas!

Reason 2: European Ties – In its early history, Canada didn't engage in warfare with any European countries, so there was no residual animosity. They are part of the Commonwealth of Nations, so Great Britain is considered to be a big brother (or sister) rather than a schoolyard bully (the Americans’ perception during the Revolution). As a result, Canadian culture has more of a European essence than the United States - which felt obliged to start a new civilization from scratch.

Reason 3: Healthcare – 100% of Canadians have it. 40% of Americans don’t. And the Yanks who do have it - lose it if they get laid off or fired. Nothing is more stressful than worrying about paying for your kids’ braces or Grandma’s hip replacement. When your mind is occupied with these concerns, you're not thinking about how you can get along better with your fellow human beings.

No treatise on Canada would be complete without some history. Canada was started by Eskimos who got tired of losing their real estate every year to the spring thaw. After determining that wood is a better construction material than ice, they invited Europeans over because you can build log cabins a lot faster with steel tools than whalebone axes. The British and French taught the natives how to set up casinos - and separate their new neighbors from their money. A joint corporation was formed to process maple syrup and export it to the combative country below them. The sugar high made Americans so lethargic, they forgot about attacking Canada. And finally, Canadians invented ice hockey so there would be at least one sport where they could trounce the US.

Conclusion: If you get a chance to travel to Canada, I highly recommend it. But please remember to leave your attitude (and firearms) at home. The experience will broaden your perspective as much as a trip to Europe - at a fraction of the price!

Flight of the Conchords

"If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is." - Mark Twain 1897

"If the people in New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands and push 'em closer!" — Lewis Black (after a 22-hour plane trip to New Zealand)

Television Programming Rule No. 1 - Take an original idea, beat it to death, and then continue broadcasting it until the last ounce of advertising revenue has been extracted. Reality shows are the latest manifestation of this axiom. We've seen Survivor No. 1 through 750,000. The only place where they haven't positioned a show is New Zealand. And that's probably because the studio executives couldn't find it.

Now New Zealand has stepped into the limelight with the new HBO hit comedy Flight of the Conchords. The show stars Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (playing themselves) as two innocent Kiwi musicians who move to The Big Apple, seeking fame and fortune for their novelty band. This is the freshest TV that I've seen in years. The comedy is original and intelligent. "Conchords" is for people who don't mind having to think before they laugh - a rare phenomenon in a medium where viewers are usually offered boobtube baby food.

Combined with a strong cast of characters, edgy plots, and campy music videos, this half hour program packs more entertainment than many of its one-hour contemporaries.

Supporting roles are:

Murray Hewitt (played by Rhys Darby) is the band's manager. He also works as a cultural attache' for the New Zealand Consulate. The band's meetings are held in his Consulate office. Murray's role calls during these gatherings are classic. See Murray's Band Meetings. He is optimistic and enthusiastic, but doesn't have any idea how the music industry works. Brett and Jemaine are equally clueless, so their joint efforts to achieve stardom are filled with hilarious misadventures.

Mel (Kristen Schaal) is the band's only fan. She is also a stalker, with Brett being the object of her lustful obsession. With her big eyes and cartoon voice, she is perfectly cast for this role. In one episode she pops up in front of the boys from a basement stairway. When Jemaine asked her what she was doing down there, she says "jogging". Kristen's scenes are comic genius. See Bret and Mel in Bathroom.

Dave (Arj Barker) runs a local store that sells just about everything. Dave presents himself as a babe magnet, but his real life is far less glamorous. He still lives with his parents, but denies it by claiming that they are "just a crazy old couple that he sublets his apartment to". Dave counsels the boys about American culture and women, often with disastrous results. See He May Be Did!

The Conchords' music videos are seamlessly woven into the story plots, and provide a melodic counterpoint. You can see some of them on YouTube:

* Ladies of the World

* Foux De Fa Fa

* Albi the Racist Dragon

There are a number of people behind the scenes who significantly contributed to Season One's success:

Stu Smiley developed the series and is Executive Producer. He also developed and executive produced Everybody Loves Raymond, which was nominated for 6 Emmys (and won twice) for Outstanding Comedy. That always looks good on the resume!

James Bobin is Executive Producer, Co-Creator, and and Director. "He won a British Academy of Film and Television Award for 'Best Comedy Series' in 2000, and has also been nominated for other awards by the Royal Television Society and the Monteux Television Festival. In the US he directed and co-wrote all 12 episodes of the critically acclaimed 2 seasons of 'Da Ali G Show' for HBO in 2003 and 2004. He was nominated for 'Best Director' Emmys for both seasons, as well as sharing writing nominations twice."

Troy Miller has been nominated for nine Best Director Emmy awards, and has won twice. "Miller has produced and directed all of the infamous short films that open the Oscar® telecast that featured Billy Crystal embedded within the footage of other films. Jon Stewart also used Miller to craft the opening for his most recent Oscar® opening that featured Actors George Clooney, Chris Rock, Halle Berry, Steve Martin and David Letterman."

FOC's first season ended on Sept. 2. For the next month, HBO On Demand featured all of the first season episodes, but then inexplicably removed them - while retaining programs of lesser quality. I am checking with The Hague to see if this action qualifies as a Crime Against Humanity. Most FOCers would say "Yes"!

There are very few TV programs that I would watch more than once, but "Flight of the Conchords" is on my short list. Trudi and I have seen many episodes 10 times or more, and still enjoy them. With each viewing, we pick up more nuanced nuggets of humor. I am convinced that this series will become a TV classic.

Toxic Cloud May Have a Silver Lining.

(At left) Berkeley Pit Lake in Butte, Montana. Photo by Chris Mueller

"We're all downstream." - Ecologist's motto adopted by Margaret & Jim Drescher, Windhorse Farm, Nova Scotia

Ever since the first Paleolithic Ph.D applied for an NIH Grant, researchers have sought a "silver bullet" that would be effective against the legion of cancers afflicting humanity. Now hope may come from a most unlikely source - a toxic waste site.

The September 2007 issue of Wired Magazine features "Creatures From the Black Lagoon" by Guy Gugliotta - a former Washington Post science writer. This article chronicles how chemists Don and Andrea Stierle stumbled upon potentially useful microorganisms in an abandoned Montana copper mine. Berkeley Pit Lake was born after the open pit operation closed, and water was no longer being pumped out. Minerals leaching from the soil created a highly toxic lagoon. As a result, many an unfortunate creature breathed its last after dropping in for a drink.

But as Jeff Goldblum's character says in Jurassic Park, "Life, uh . . . finds a way." So resourceful BPL microbes fulfilled their Darwinian destiny - and adapted. The outcome was strains of bacteria and fungi that exist nowhere else in the world.

This discovery would have been reward enough for many scientists, but Don and Andrea then took their research in a new direction. Their lifelong passion has been to discover nautical plants and animals with pharmaceutical potential. So they did what any surf loving scientists would do when stuck in Montana - they brought the medical mountain to Muhammad (or Butte, as the locals call it). By subjecting their new bug buddies to the same assays they used with oceanic life, they discovered that some appeared to kill cancer cells. And that - as the white coats at Sloan Kettering will tell you - is a good thing.

The Stierles' work is preliminary, and requires further investigation. Hopefully Big Pharma will now get involved to determine if cancer fighting drugs can be developed from these candidates. I've come up with a few brand names for them: Tumor-Tox, Contamin-Oma, and Berkeley-Balm. And to give their campaign more zing, pharmaceutical sales reps could call on doctors' offices in HazMat suits! (Hey, I'm not married to the last idea - just spitballing here . . .)

Author Guy Gugliotta does a masterful job of presenting this story. His prose is clear and concise, which unfortunately is not the norm in science writing. Many technical journalists fall in love with their own special vocabulary, and forget that we mere mortals can't recite the periodic table by heart. In addition, Gugliotta's compelling imagery captured my imagination. While reading "Creatures From the Black Lagoon", I felt like I was watching a "Nature" TV program. The only thing missing was the sound track.

Gugliotta seamlessly moves his account forward, while covering such diverse topics as Butte's geography and economic history, the Stierles' academic credentials and research, NIH funding, and pharmaceutical drug discovery. The author's narrative flow made me believe that the entire story could have been written in one (really big) paragraph, without losing continuity or comprehension.

I live in New Jersey, whose unofficial nickname is "The Landfill of Opportunity". Thus I am painfully aware of how pollution can damage an environment. This story gives me hope that my state can also find something good in its toxic terrain.

You can find more about Berkeley Pit Lake at Pitwatch. I wish the Stierles continued success with their exciting work!

Intevolution - The Debate Continues

(At left) Scopes Trial newspaper cartoon, 1925 Collection of Richard Milner

“While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” - Mark Twain

The June 2007 issue of Natural History Magazine offers "Darwin in Court" - an excellent article by Richard Milner on the debate over evolution and intelligent design.

For those of you who haven't watched television or read a newspaper in the last 100 years, I will summarize. Evolutionists believe that life evolved gradually, through a process known as natural selection. Intelligent Designers believe that life was placed on Earth by a supernatural force (like God or Google) pretty much in its final form. That's the story in a nutshell, (which evolved from a nut without a shell).

Milner's article outlines the argument, lists new books, and details an important court case - Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District. Richard is an Associate of Anthropology at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.

Recent publications mentioned are:

"Intelligent Thought" by John Brockman - an excellent introduction to this controversy. IT is a collection of essays on Intelligent Design by some of the world's top scientists. Brockman, a respected editor of scientific literature, collaborated with the authors to make this information comprehensible to people (like moi) who will never be asked to join MENSA.

"40 Days and 40 Nights" by Matthew Chapman, who is a great-great-grandson of Charles Darwin. Milner describes Matthew's work as "a tour de force, hilarious without sacrificing seriousness or purpose." Chapman, attended the Dover School District trial, which lasted 40 days and 40 nights. This Biblical coincidence was not lost on the author, who incorporated it into his title.

"Not in Our Classrooms" by Eugenie Scott and Glenn Branch. Eugenie is the Executive Director of the National Center for Science Education. This organization is focused on keeping religion (disguised as science) out of America's classrooms.

These books have been added to my (rapidly growing) "must read" list. I may need to get a second job to support my journalistic jones.

In his analysis of the Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District case, Milner focuses on the core issues: 1) Does Intelligent Design meet the definition of "science"? and 2) Does teaching it in public school classrooms violate the U.S. Constitution? The rulings of Presiding Judge John E. Jones III were that Intelligent Design was not science - and therefore requiring it to be included in a science curriculum violated the Establishment Clause of The First Amendment. This Clause forbids the U.S. Government from establishing or supporting religious activities. Since Judge Jones is a lifelong Republican, who was appointed by (born again Christian) President George W. Bush, I am guessing that he will be getting a few less Christmas cards from the GOP. But I applaud him for his judicial integrity.

In his final comments on the case, Judge Jones offered scathing criticism of the Dover School Board, the group responsible for introducing Intelligent Design into their classrooms:

"It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise their real purpose. . ."

And

". . .The breathtaking inanity of the Board's decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop which has now been fully revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting utter waste of monetary and personal resources"

I enjoyed Richard's fluid prose, which facilitated my journey through the literary and legal landscape of this debate. Scientific writing is often harder to understand than Chinese algebra. My touchstone for this genre is "Can I read the article without moving my lips or getting a headache?" Milner passed this test with flying colors!

Richard also presented a fair and balanced profile of the IDers. He did not demonize them or describe them in condescending terms - something many of his fellow scientists have been guilty of. His article included a dialogue with a Christian associate. This person explained that not all Christians supported the IDers' view that Evolution and Intelligent Design were mutually exclusive. At a time when our world is so polarized, it was refreshing to find a writer who approached such a divisional issue with an open mind.

If you want to learn more about the Intevolution (my new word) argument - and what it means to John (or Jane) Q. Public, then I highly recommend "Darwin in Court". I also encourage you to visit the new Hall of Human Origins at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. It is a fun and fascinating way to learn more about where humans came from!

Newsweek Features Emma and Jackson at Chimps Incorporated

Newsweek recently featured a story about Emma and Jackson at Chimps Inc. in Bend, Oregon.

The chimps were brought to Chimps Inc. after their previous owners were taken to court for alleged abuse and neglect. Now the former owners want them back.

This conflict is being fought out in court - and it has raised an important question: Do chimpanzees (whose DNA differs from humans by less than 2%) have any rights, or are they simply property?

This situation harkens back to the Dred Scott Vs Sandford Case, which took place shortly before the American Civil War. At that time, the same question was asked about a slave (Dred Scott) who petitioned the US Government for his freedom. Unfortunately for Mr. Scott, the United States Supreme Court ruled that (as a slave), he was property and therefore had no rights under the US Constitution.

In today's world, the Dred Scott decision is considered to be misguided, at best, and shameful, at worst. I am hopeful that Emma's and Jackson's fate will be happier. It would be unfortunate if it took another 100 years for such wonderful creatures to be afforded some rights and dignity.

I know and have great respect for the people who run Chimps Incorporated. I am confident that all of the animals under their care are supported in a loving and responsible environment. It would be a terrible tragedy if Emma and Jackson were taken away from such a nurturing home.

I encourage you to contact Chimps Incorporated to offer whatever assistance that you can. Many thanks!

Karen Kruger is Featured Artist of the Month at the Highlands Photo Guild

"A photograph does not speak, it does not smell, it makes no sound, it does not move, it is just a two dimensional piece of paper, but a good photograph can do at least one if not all of the above!"

-Eryk Fitkau

I recently posted a story about the Highlands Photo Guild in Milford, PA. This post mentioned talented photographer Karen Kruger. I am particularly impressed with her use of color in creating an emotional response. A sample of her work is shown here.

This month (Aug. 10 through Sept. 6) Karen is the featured artist at the Highlands Photo Guild. The press release for Karen gives the following information:

"KAREN KRUGER is the featured artist of the month at HPG. Her images showcase the shops, doorways, balconies, and windows of Southern Italy and Sardinia.

Some images are rendered as traditional photos while others are given a more painterly touch. All of them communicate the feel and allure of the locale.

Imagine what your life would be like if you passed through these doors on your way home each day, if you peeked out those windows each morning and if you bought your groceries in these shops.

Visitors to Italy sense that life is different there. Meals and family are savored, time slows down and daily tasks take on a greater meaning. Come experience the feel of it, no passport or jetlag necessary!"

Highlands Photo Guild
224 Broad Street

Milford, PA 18337

Phone: (570) 296-2440

Website: http://www.highlandsphotoguild.com/

Milford, PA is on the border or NJ and PA, near Rt. 84 and High Point State Park. You can find directions here: Milford, PA Map.

If you find yourself in the area, then it would be worth your while to visit the Highlands Photo Guild and view Karen's wonderful photos!

Intelligent Thought by John Brockman

"It will not be possible to rule out the supposition that the process of evolution may be guided by an intelligent design." - Oxford scholar, F.C.S. Schiller, 1897

“Today, the theory of evolution is an accepted fact for everyone but a fundamentalist minority, whose objections are based not on reasoning but on doctrinaire adherence to religious principles." - James D. Watson.

Intelligent Design advances the idea that our world was created by a supernatural being. ID proponents believe that this concept is a scientifically valid alternative to Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

In his book Intelligent Thought - Science Versus the Intelligent Design Movement, author John Brockman presents essays on ID by some of the world's top scientists. Contributors include:

Leonard Susskind - the Felix Bloch Professor of theoretical physics at Stanford. He is the author of The Cosmic Landscape: String Theory and The Illusion of Intelligent Design.

Richard Dawkins - an evolutionary biologist, is Charles Simonyi Professor of the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University. His book The Selfish Gene has generated much discussion among scientists and lay people.

Lisa Randall - is Professor of Physics at Harvard University. She is the author of Warped Passages: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Universe's Hidden Dimensions.

The overwhelming conclusion of the book's contributors is that ID is not science - for three fundamental reasons:

• A primary rule of science is that natural causes must be attributed to natural phenomena. ID relies on supernatural causality, (i.e. God) which violates this rule. Once you abandon natural causation, you enter into the area of magic or metaphysics - neither of which is science.

• Intelligent Design has failed to gain acceptance in the scientific community. As a result, it has not been presented in peer-review journals. Such publication is de rigueur for any new theory to be validated.

• ID is not subject to scientific methodology, so the accuracy of ID's claims cannot be independently authenticated.

The same conclusion was reached in 2005 by the United States District Court, for the Middle District of Pennsylvania in the famous case of Kitzmiller et al. v. Dover Area School District. The court determined that ID was not science, and that teaching it (as science) in the classroom violated The Establishment Clause of The First Amendment. This clause states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion".

In his Introduction, Brockman notes an irony about presiding Judge John E. Jones III: "Readers can rely on the writings of the scientists in this volume (Brockman's book). They can also rely on the words of this lifelong Republican jurist, who was appointed to the court by the current President of the United States (himself a born-again Christian fundamentalist)."

A primary difference between Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution is in answering the question - "How did today's life forms get here?" ID advocates state that all life was created abruptly - by a supernatural designer. As as a result, today's flora and fauna have the same form as when they first appeared on Earth. In other words, evolution of species never occurred.

However an overwhelming majority of scientists support an opposing view - the Theory of Evolution, with natural selection and gradual adaptation as its driving forces.

Another tenet of ID is that - Where Evolution is discredited, Intelligent Design is confirmed. This logic is fundamentally flawed, as indicated below:

Item A is red

Item B is blue

If Item C is not red, then it must be blue.

Analysis: Item C does not have to be blue. It could be yellow, black, white, green, or any other color of the light spectrum. Item C could also be a color that hasn't been discovered yet.

The Wedge Document is an internal memorandum of the Discovery Institute - one of the primary supporters of ID. The Wedge Document was leaked to the Internet in 1999, and was later authenticated by the Institute. Many scientists believe that this document spells out ID advocates' real agenda - to introduce religious doctrine into schools and science. The Wedge Document states "The social consequences of materialism have been devastating. As symptoms, these consequences are certainly worth treating. However, we are convinced that in order to defeat materialism, we must cut it off at its source. That source is scientific materialism. This is precisely our strategy. If we view the predominant materialistic science as a giant tree, out strategy is intended to function as a "wedge" that, while relatively small, can split the trunk when applied at its weakest points. . . Design theory promises to reverse the stifling dominance of the materialistic worldview, and to replace it with a science consonant with Christian and theistic convictions."

Well known proponents of ID include:

William A. Dembski - author of The Design Revolution (2004)

Michael J. Behe - author of Darwin's Black Box (1996). One of the arguments of this book is that many biological systems are irreducibly complex at the molecular level. Therefore, they could not have gradually evolved to their current state.

Pervical Davis and Dean H. Kenyon - who authored Of Pandas and People. ID advocates are promoting this as a (required) high school biology text.

Kenneth R. Miller - author of Finding Darwin's God: A Scientist's Search for Common Ground Between God and Evolution.

Former Pennsylvania Republican Senator Rick Santorum - Wikipedia states "In 2001, Santorum tried unsuccessfully to insert language which came to be known as the Santorum Amendment into the No Child Left Behind bill that sought to promote the teaching of intelligent design while questioning the academic standing of evolution in public schools."

Scott Minnich - whose slogan Teach the Controversy has been praised and condemned by opposing sides. The scientific community's view is that unless intelligent design can be proven to be a valid scientific discipline, then it is inappropriate to compare intelligent design to evolution in a science class. This discussion is better suited for a course in philosophy or religion.

Phillip E. Johnson - a retired UC Berkley Law Professor, is considered by many to be The Father of Intelligent Design. He is the author of Darwin on Trial which argues that science should allow for supernatural explanations.

Intelligent Thought, gives the following bio for author John Brockman - "John Brockman, editor of many books including The Next Fifty Years, Curious Minds, What We Believe But Cannot Prove, and My Einstein, is also the author of By the Late John Brockman and The Third Culture. He is the founder and CEO of Brockman, Inc., a literary and software agency, and the publisher of the website Edge, the forum for leading scientists and thinkers to share their research with the general public."

Brockman's editorial skills contributed greatly to the success of this book. The essays that he presents are written in uncomplicated and focused prose. This makes them easy to understand -even for non-technical readers. The physicist Ernest Rutherford once said "If you can't explain a result in simple, nontechnical terms, then you really don't understand it."

In this post, I have tried to provide the basic elements of this controversy, and also to provide resources - so that readers can make an informed decision about what to believe. I invite your comments.

The Moosewood Restaurant

"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do." ~ P.J. O'Rourke

Muslims have Mecca. Fashion designers have Paris. And natural food lovers have Moosewood.

This week Trudi and I had dinner at The Moosewood Restaurant in Ithaca, NY. Their website gives some history:

"Moosewood, Inc. is a collectively owned business with nineteen members who share responsibilities and participate in the various jobs necessary to run what has grown from a very small natural foods restaurant to become a larger and more diversified company. Most members of the Collective have worked together for at least 15 years, and some since the restaurant's inception in 1973. The restaurant is further staffed by a talented and dedicated group of employees whom we truly appreciate and without whom we could not operate."

"With our emphasis on healthful natural foods cuisine, Moosewood Restaurant has operated successfully for thirty-three years and has been acclaimed as a driving force in the world of creative vegetarian cooking. Moosewood was named one of the thirteen most influential restaurants of the 20th Century by Bon Appetit. We started in an era when many alternative businesses began, and we feel incredibly grateful to have endured, thrived and had a positive impact."

Our waitress was Bethany. When she first approached, she beamed a smile that immediately made us feel welcome. During dinner, Bethany was attentive without being intrusive. Her enthusiasm for making our meal enjoyable was very much appreciated.

The name Bethany means "house of figs" in Hebrew. It's interesting that this name is associated with food - since Bethany works in a restaurant. Perhaps her destiny is to pursue a culinary career.

Moosewood's atmosphere is quiet, casual and relaxed - my favorite dining environment. And unlike some NYC restaurants, we didn't have to fire off a flare gun to get attention for service or a check.

For dinner, Trudi had Vegan Lasagna. I chose the Caribbean Stew. To accompany dinner, Bethany brought us an intriguing Pinot Noir. For dessert, we selected the Vegan Chocolate Cake. Everything was superb. Moosewood's archive of culinary creations can be found at Recipes.

Note: Check out Vegan for more information on this life style.

The Moosewood Restaurant is also well known for its cookbooks. Eleven have been published, with more on the way. The recipes are easy to follow - an appealing feature for amateur chefs. After dinner, I bought Trudi a copy of Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home, which focuses on meals that can be prepared in less than 30 minutes. It's Rachael Ray in Birkenstocks. Trudi will be test driving some recipes this weekend. Yum!

No matter what your food preference, this natural nourishment will delight you. Good food is good food - no matter what philosophy is behind it. Plan B is to pick up one of their cookbooks. Whatever choice you make, you will very much enjoy the Moosewood experience!

Marc Broussard - S.O.S.: Save Our Soul

"Music is what feelings sound like." ~Author Unknown

Today I discovered Marc Broussard, a 25 year old singer from Louisiana. His new album - S.O.S.: Save Our Soul - is funky with a capital F. Even though he looks more like a Viking than a soul singer, Marc has got the goods.

I'm old enough to remember 60's soul music, and I never imagined that a contemporary artist would be able to capture the special energy and emotion of that genre. But I was wrong. S.O.S. is the real thing.

When asked about the message of this album, Marc said "I want to take what was beautiful and right about old-school soul and make it alive again." He added "Soul music grew out of the church, out of gospel, but somewhere along the way it lost its heart. I want to give that heart - the good vibes, the happiness, the love - back to the music and back to the people, whether it's a new generation who've never heard what genuine soul sounds like or listeners who grew up on it."

Wikipedia defines channelling as "The communication of information to or through a person (the channel or medium), from a spirit or other paranormal entity outside the mind (or self) of the channel." If Broussard is channelling on Save Our Soul, then he must have signed up for the Deluxe Spiritual Package, because his covers of Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding, and Al Green bullseye the heart pounding excitement of the original artists.

My favorite songs are "Respect Yourself" by Luther Ingram and Mack Rice, and "Yes We Can, Can" by Allen Toussaint. Both are powerfully rhythmic, with lyrics that will rattle around in your head for days. This is one of the few albums where I felt compelled to listen to songs 3 or 4 times before moving on to the next track. Unless you are in a coma, or taking "that long dirt nap" I challenge you to listen to Save Our Soul without moving some part of your body.

S.O.S. is Marc's third recording. In 2005 he released his original CD - Carencro. Check out his music video of Home. This was followed in 2006 by Bootleg to Benefit the Victims of Hurricane Katrina. Both albums capture the essence of Broussard's swamp sound.

Marc's bio discusses his rhythmic roots: "Broussard was born into a musical family, so his "ownership" goes back to his days as a boy hearing his father, Louisiana Hall of Fame guitarist Ted Broussard, (member of the legendary Gulf Coast blue eyed soul band The Boogie Kings) tear through soul nuggets with bands around suburban Carencro. And Marc was singing like the style's founders by the time he was in his teens."

If you want to re-experience the greatness that was soul or if you are just discovering it for the first time, I encourage you to pick up S.O.S.: Save Our Soul. It will lift you up and make you feel good. And that's what soul music is all about.

Found: The Giant Lion-Eating Chimps of the Magic Forest

Thanks to Monkeywire for this story:

This sounds like a fake new story, but it appears to be real. The Guardian is a real newspaper. I welcome any comments on the veracity of this story.

Found: The Giant Lion-Eating Chimps of the Magic Forest http://environment.guardian.co.uk/conservation/story/0,,2126328,00.html
James Randerson, science correspondent
Saturday July 14, 2007
The Guardian

Deep in the Congolese jungle is a band of apes that, according to
local legend, kill lions, catch fish and even howl at the moon. Local
hunters speak of massive creatures that seem to be some sort of
hybrid between a chimp and a gorilla.

Their location at the centre of one of the bloodiest conflicts on the
planet, the civil war in the Democratic Republic of Congo, has meant
that the mystery apes have been little studied by western scientists.
Reaching the region means negotiating the shifting fortunes of
warring rebel factions, and the heart of the animals' range is deep
in impenetrable forest.

But despite the difficulties, a handful of scientists have succeeded
in studying the animals. Early speculation that the apes may be some
yeti-like new species or a chimp/gorilla hybrid proved unfounded, but
the truth has turned out to be in many ways even more fascinating.
They are actually a population of super-sized chimps with a unique
culture - and it seems, a taste for big cat flesh.

The most detailed and recent data comes from Cleve Hicks, at the
University of Amsterdam, who has spent 18 months in the field
watching the Bili apes - named after a local town - since 2004. His
team's most striking find came after one of his trackers heard chimps
calling for several days from the same spot.

When he investigated he came across a chimp feasting on the carcass
of a leopard. Mr Hicks cannot be sure the animal was killed by the
chimp, but the find lends credence to the apes' lion-eating
reputation.

"What we have found is this completely new chimpanzee culture," said
Mr Hicks. Previously, researchers had only managed to snatch glimpses
of the animals or take photos of them using camera traps. But Mr
Hicks used local knowledge to get closer to them and photograph them.

"We were told of this sort of fabled land out west by one of our
trackers who goes out there to fish," said Mr Hicks whose project is
supported by the Wasmoeth Wildlife Foundation. "I call it the magic
forest. It is a very special place."

Getting there means a gruelling 40km (25-mile) trek through the
jungle, from the nearest road, not to mention navigating
croc-infested rivers. But when he arrived he found apes without their
normal fear of humans. Chimps near the road flee immediately at the
sight of people because they know the consequences of a hunter's
rifle, but these animals were happy to approach him. "The further
away from the road the more fearless the chimps got," he added.

Mr Hicks reports that he found a unique chimp culture. For example,
unlike their cousins in other parts of Africa the chimps regularly
bed down for the night in nests on the ground. Around a fifth of the
nests he found were there rather than in the trees.

"How can they get away with sleeping on the ground when there are
lions, leopards, golden cats around as well as other dangerous
animals like elephants and buffalo?" said Mr Hicks.

"I don't like to paint them as being more aggressive, but maybe they
prey on some of these predators and the predators kind of leave them
alone." He is keen to point out though that they don't howl at the
moon.

"The ground nests were very big and there was obviously something
very unusual going on there. They are not unknown elsewhere but very
unusual," said Colin Groves, an expert on primate morphology at the
Australian National University in Canberra who has observed the nests
in the field.

Prof Groves believes that the Bili apes should prompt a radical
rethink of the family tree of chimp sub-species. He has proposed that
primatologists should now recognise five different sub-divisions
instead of the current four.

Mr Hicks said the animals also have what he calls a "smashing
culture" - a blunt but effective way of solving problems. He has
found hundreds of snails and hard-shelled fruits smashed for food,
seen chimps carrying termite mounds to rocks to break them open and
also found a turtle that was almost certainly smashed apart by chimps.

Like chimp populations in other parts of Africa, the Bili chimps use
sticks to fish for ants, but here the tools are up to 2.5 metres long.

The most exciting thing about this population of chimps though is
that it is much bigger than anyone realised and may be one of the
largest remaining continuous populations of the species left in
Africa. Mr Hicks and his colleague Jeroen Swinkels surveyed an area
of 7,000 square kilometres and found chimps everywhere. Their unique
culture was uniform throughout.

However, the future for the Bili apes is far from secure. "Things are
not promising," said Karl Ammann, an independent wildlife
photographer who began investigating the apes 1996. "The absence of a
strong central government has resulted in most of the region becoming
more independent and lawless. In conservation terms this is a
disaster."

Saving Two Chimpanzees

Chimps Inc. is a primate preservation group based in Oregon. They are currently trying to support two additional chimps (Emma and Jackson) that they recently acquired. I know and respect this group. I encourage you to donate.

EMMA (left) and JACKSON (right)

A recent comment by a Chimps Inc. staffer illustrates this situation very well:

"Saving two chimpanzees will not change the world, but it will change the world for those two chimpanzees."

Your support is very much appreciated!

Scotch N Sirloin Restaurant in Amherst, NY

"My favorite animal is steak." - Fran Lebowitz

Tonight Trudi and I had dinner at an upstate NY steak house, located 20 miles from Niagara Falls.

We visited the Falls this afternoon. It was so romantical! The Canadian side is better because 1) the view from North of the border is more impressive, and 2) Canadians beat Americans hands down in the niceness category. Even their Customs officials were more pleasant.

On the way back to our hotel, we developed a craving for steak. Not being familiar with this area - and having no one to ask - we queried my Garmin C340 GPS Unit for a decent carnivore cafe. Jill - my pet name for this device - suggested Scotch N Sirloin in Amherst, NY. Jill is quite knowledgeable (and has a very sexy voice) so I decided to trust her judgment. We were not disappointed.

After being seated, we were promptly greeted by Denise, our waitress. We liked her instantly. She displayed a genuine smile - a rare commodity in NYC bistros. And her enthusiasm for making our meal enjoyable was immediately apparent. She made us feel welcome.

Good food is of course the major component in any dining experience. A top quality steak should excel in the following areas:

Aging - tenderizes the meat.

Seasoning - brings out the beef's natural flavor.

Cut - if done properly, assures consistency in both flavor and texture. A Porterhouse should always taste like a porterhouse, not a NY strip or a flank steak.

Degree of Cooking - If you ask for a steak that is medium rare, then that is how it should be prepared. No excuses.

Scotch N Sirloin excelled in all of these areas. Trudi said that her filet mignon was one of the best ever. I sampled hers and agreed. My top sirloin was also exceptional.

To accompany our meal, Denise suggested a wine that was a wonderful discovery - an Acacia 2005 Pinot Noir. While many pinots are lighter in bouquet and body, this vintage came closer to a cabernet or shiraz. It had hints of strawberry and peach, with an exceptionally long finish. A perfect compliment to a good steak.

We asked Denise about the history of Scotch N Sirloin. She indicated that it used to be part of a small chain of upstate NY steak houses. The first one opened in 1969. Subsequently they have been sold to individual owners. Many of the new proprietors are former employees who worked their way up from dishwasher or bus boy. So these people have an emotional and experiential investment in their establishments. This deeper commitment was evident in the restaurant's operation. You could tell that the employees were genuinely motivated to provide good service.

Denise also mentioned that Scotch N Sirloin's fireplace lounge was a favorite hangout for locals during the long Buffalo winters. There is nothing like a wood fire to warm you up on a cold night. An old saying among upstaters is - "What day is summer this year?" Winters feel like they are endless, so a warm comfortable nest - with good food - is highly prized by area residents.

Summary: If you find yourself in the Buffalo, NY area and you enjoy a good steak, then I highly recommend Scotch N Sirloin.

Pig Island by Mo Hayder

Trudi and I recently attended a cocktail party at the gallery of SoHo artist Alex Beard. While there, we met Bryan Adams, a Publicist with FAB Communications. When the conversation turned to books, Bryan mentioned that he always has one with him. Since Trudi and I share his passion for page turning, we felt an immediate connection.

Bryan suggested that we read Pig Island by Mo Hayder. He described this novel as "interesting dark fiction". I just finished it, and he was right.

Pig Island is dark - but without buckets of blood or supernatural characters. It is macabre in the psychological sense, which is infinitely more frightening. A good scary story messes with your head by planting the seeds of fear and then letting your mind cultivate them into full blown terror. The devil that you imagine is far more horrifying than the devil that you can see.

That's why the movie "Jaws" was such a nail biter. You didn't even get a glimpse of the shark until the third reel. But just knowing that he was out there under the waves, hunting for human hors d'oeuvres, petrified moviegoers.

Pig Island is the story of working class British journalist Joe Oakes, who makes his living by exposing supernatural hoaxes. Now in his late 30's, Joe's realizes that his writing is never going to make him a superstar (or even a star) author. His stories are barely paying the bills - and his marriage to Lexie Oakes is disintegrating. I envision Joe as a brutish character, a literary Tony Soprano - but without guns or gangsters to give his life direction. Not quite an antihero, but living somewhere in that neighborhood.

Joe is offered an assignment to visit a secretive religious community - the Psychogenic Healing Ministries. They are headquartered on the island of Cuagach Eilean (Pig Island in Gaelic) in Scotland. The PHM's leader is Malachi Dove, who Joe tangled with years earlier. At that time, Joe exposed one of Malachi's healing sessions as trickery, and damaged the leader's reputation. Years later, after suffering a nervous breakdown, Malachi has withdrawn from his flock and exiled himself to a remote corner of Pig Island.

The Ministry invites Joe to the island because they are seeking positive publicity to mend their reputation. PHM's image has been tarnished by rumors of Satanism, and other wickedness. These rumblings are further fueled by a fisherman's video, which appears to show a devil-like creature wandering the island.

The book continues with engaging story lines that held my attention on every page. And the plot twist at the end would make Agatha Christie envious!

Mo Hayder has written a number of novels, including Devil of Nanking, Birdman, and The Treatment. You can check these out at the Mo Hayder Website. In addition to compelling plots, I am captivated with her prose style. She often uses short sentences to build story structure. These are easy to assimilate because each sentence usually contains one idea. Hayder builds these terse elements into a complex drama the same way that a mason builds a brick wall - by carefully placing one unit on top of another.

The author also excels at description. She creates powerful imagery, which substantially enhances the narrative thread. For example Hayder depicts a small coastal bay as "a cup of tea". And the sky - "tendrils of cloud were splitting like mercury, running away in fragments across the moon." This is pure poetry.

Summary: I give Pig Island 4 bananas on the Monkey Prose Literature Scale. This rating system runs from 0 bananas (It's not even good enough to line a bird cage.) to 5 bananas (God handed me this book on Mt. Sinai.) This novel grabbed me in the first few pages, and I couldn't put it down. I read it in a weekend. And the shocking revelation at the end is unforgettable. If you enjoy a gripping psychological thriller, then I highly recommend Pig Island.

Monkey Prose Reaches 10,000 Site Visits!

Today Monkey Prose reached 10,000 site visits! Monkey Prose was created in September of 2006.

The original focus of MP was to present information about monkeys, but I have since expanded it to include articles about food, wine, restaurants, movies, music, art, consumer issues, and anything else that I think might be of interest to readers.

I am grateful to:

• My wife Trudi, for just putting up with me, and for offering much encouragement and support. FYI, Trudi just started her own blog - Ginger Snaps - which will cover food, wine, and related topics. Trudi is a phenomenal cook, so I encourage you to visit her blog.

• Aliza Sherman Rizdahl, for writing The Everything Blogging Book - which has become my blogging bible.

• The people at Google for providing excellent customer service.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that Monkey Prose would reach 10,000 site visits. I am most grateful to all of my readers. I will continue my commitment to bring you interesting and humorous articles.

I welcome your comments.

- Monkey Bob

Project-V An Exciting New Comedy-Drama For a Short-Form World!

Ever since the first monkey men crawled down from the trees and started stealing cable, the television viewing experience has remained unchanged. TV stations broadcast programs and we watched - plopped in our La-Z-Boy chairs, consuming our Hungry Man Dinners. The communication was one way - unless you count swearing at the screen during Paris Hilton interviews. (I hear she broke a nail in The Big House.)

And then God took a rib from the Internet, and created YouTube. And He saw that it was Good. YouTube begat LonelyGirl15, the pretty teenager with knee-on-chin and Joan Crawford eyebrows. Within months of her debut, Bree became the first YT superstar. Viewers couldn't get enough of this young hottie, who revealed her most intimate thoughts on parents, P Monkey, and the often mentioned (but rarely seen) boyfriend - Daniel.

Even after LonelyGirl15 was exposed as being staged, its popularity continued to soar. Fans started e-mailing suggestions for future story lines. The creators of LG recognized the power of this interaction, and ran with it. The result was a fiercely loyal audience, whose demographics would make any media executive drool.

Fast forward to 2007, and the arrival of Project V, the creation of FMX - FreemantleMedia's cross platform division. Its mission statement is "to showcase the lives and observations of six up and coming young performers from Britain and the US. The site features short-form video postings of each of the six performers – artists, actors and comedians - talking to each other and to the audience. Audiences can post comments on the performers' homepages and follow the clues to the unfolding story linking the site's stars."

The six participants are:

Chris Wylde - hails (like moi) from The Landfill of Opportunity - New Jersey. His interests include movies, music, and world domination. Chris is currently working on a book, "69 Text Messages From a Girl With Bipolar Disorder". I hear that Hollywood is already tendering options for the screenplay!

Sarah Fletcher - was born in Ohio, but now lives in Arnold's new Austria - Kalifornia. She is a singer, actress, and model. This triple threat played "Secret Girlfriend" on mobile channel "Atomic Wedgie" in the USA. Like Chris, Sarah is getting her marching orders - for taking over the world - from a toilet.

Richard Dedomenici - has a fascinating video. The visual effect is compelling, although it made me dizzy. Note to Self: Take Dramamine 1/2 hour before watching Richard. "In 2002 he was nominated for Best New Artist in the Anglia Television Six Of The Best Awards, and, despite voting for himself several hundred times, Richard failed to win." But you have to admire his persistence. And his British accent sounds pretty cool!

Ruth Pickett - describes herself as "a talented comedian, writer, and actress". Hmm, no self esteem problems here! Ruth's quirky humor has been described as "whimsical on the surface but with a darker undercurrent; a bit like a colourful but slightly dangerous oversized slide at a run down water park." Ruth has discovered how to travel through time, but won't tell us because "Then I wouldn't have all the power!"

Jonny Sweet and Joe Thomas - like Ruth, are interested in time travel. Their sketch "The Future", "a surreal vision of the workplaces of the future, received excellent reviews." In a surprise turn of events, Joe was planning on murdering Chris - but unfortunately, left his knife back in the UK. That's the trouble with traveling. You always forget something!

OK, I'm hooked.

I will be following the exploits (and potential felonies) of Project V. Although unless Jonny and Joe are Siamese twins, it seems to me that the group should be called Project VI. It will be interesting to see how their stories develop and intermingle. And Chris might want to start wearing body armor!

Chimps Inc. Struggles to Retain Custody of Emma and Jackson.

A court battle is taking place for the custody of two chimpanzees - Emma and Jackson. They are currently residing at Chimps Inc. in Bend Oregon. The lives of these two wonderful creatures hang in the balance.

To meet Emma and Jackson, click on Emma and Jackson Video.

I know and respect this organization. I strongly encourage you to donate. You can do so at Donate to Chimps Inc.

Here is the latest Report from Paula Muellner of Chimps Inc.

"Chimps, Inc. is the new home for two young chimpanzees, Emma and Jackson. Emma and Jackson are 5 and 6 years old, respectively, and arrived from San Antonio, Texas in March 2007. Their former home was Primarily Primates, Inc. (PPI), a facility that came under scrutiny in the first half of 2006 following years of complaints of poor sanitation, substandard caging, serious neglect, and endangering the welfare of the over 700 animals they housed (including over sixty chimpanzees). Chimps, Inc. offered to adopt Emma and Jackson in order to rescue them from the conditions we witnessed on three visits, and to help alleviate the burden of overcrowding at PPI, and to allow PPI an opportunity to improve its conditions. We brought Emma and Jackson to their forever homes here at Chimps, Inc. and integrated them into our chimpanzee family group. We gave them free access to our extensive and protected indoor and outdoor environments, and connections with maternal figures and other chimpanzees to assist with their physical and emotional development. They have truly flowered at their time with us.

The Texas Attorney General filed an action against PPI in October 2006, and that case was dismissed for unknown reasons in the last days of April 2007. Despite our legal right to care for Emma and Jackson, as well as our ethical and moral obligations to do so, PPI has been aggressively demanding that we return Emma and Jackson, as well as many of the animals that were transferred to other facilities, and who are living good lives in new homes. Because PPI threatened to continue its efforts and to sue us, we had no choice but to ask a court to stop PPI’s efforts so that we could continue their care and rehabilitation here. We have demonstrated to the court the immense harm it would cause to these young animals if they were to leave us, as well as our legal rights to continue our work with them. That is, not only does PPI have no legal right in the chimpanzees, Emma and Jackson would surely suffer psychological and emotional distress and anxiety if they were returned, in addition to once again being subjected to inferior living conditions.

Chimps, Inc. sent its professional staff to PPI prior to Emma's and Jackson’s arrival here, and the staff witnessed firsthand the state of the facilities:

“…Emma and Jackson were [initially] housed in a small indoor/outdoor enclosure that was attached to a residential garage…the ground was dirt and gravel, and in no way appeared comfortable to walk or sit on. The foul odor of urine and feces near the doorway was overwhelmingly strong…”

“…they were kept isolated and miles away from all other chimpanzees. They had no physical, visual, or even auditory contact with any conspecifics, other than each other…”

“…The lighting and ventilation were poor. When the doors were closed for the night at around 4 p.m., the chimps were in complete darkness until the next morning when the door was opened again…”

Today, Emma and Jackson are provided with novel enrichment, access to the indoors and outdoors each day, and fresh produce and blankets -- all things they were denied at PPI. Most importantly, they live in flexible social groups that allow them to interact, bond, groom, and play with our adult chimpanzees at all times, fostering healthy and normal chimp behaviors. The profound and enduring bonds that have been engendered among our eight chimpanzees play a vital role in their long-term psychological health. Separating this family would inflict emotional suffering every bit as powerful as breaking up a human family – on all members, especially Emma and Jackson."

"Any society which does not insist upon respect for all life must necessarily decay."

~Albert Einstein

Julia Blaukopf - Artist and Photographer

"If you're photographing in color you show the color of their clothes - if you use black and white, you will show the color of their soul."

~Author Unknown

Last week, Trudi and I met artist and photographer Julia Blaukopf during a cocktail party at the studio of SoHo artist Alex Beard. Julia was discussing her recent trip to Ghana.

Julia was invited there by Women in Progress, a group who defines their mission as "working at a grassroots level to develop small, sustainable women-owned craft jewelry, clothing, and batik businesses, and, at the same time, establish mutual understanding among people of diverse cultures." Julia's photograph (above) shows an example of their work .

Julia's website gives further information about this project. "With the support of fiscal sponsor, First Person Arts, Blaukopf worked in Ghana for four months. She photographed and designed the 2007 Global Mamas catalog. Her images will become a promotional tool for Women in Progress. In November 2007, Blaukopf will exhibit the images as a part of the Annual First Person Arts Festival."

If you go to Julia's website, click on Gallery to see her portfolio. I am particularly intrigued by her sepia toned pictures, which exude an aura of antiquity. They remind me of Matthew Brady's work. His American Civil War images took photography out of the parlor and transformed it into a fundamental component of journalism.

Sepia photographs evoke a powerful emotional response. The brown hue transports these images into another world. I imagine that I am looking through a time portal. Considering how fast paced and stressful modern life is, they make me nostalgic for a time when we didn't have to deal with cell phones, websites, computer passwords, e-mails, and TiVo.

This simpler life, although not ideal (no antibiotics or pre-natal care) was far better suited to human biology. Our bodies haven't evolved fast enough to keep pace with the quantum leap in technology.

And even though Julia's Ghana portfolio was created recently, the sepia overtone reminds us that we are viewing a part of the world that we have known for a very long time. Africa was our first home, where we became human.

During the cocktail party, Julia showed us some of her mixed media work, where she applies photographs to non-traditional surfaces - like shells. It was interesting to see an art form that blends natural materials with a modern technology.

Julia's work can currently be seen at The Center for Emerging Visual Artists. They have a show called Small Wonders, which is running from June 14 through July 12. The address is:

Morgan, Lewis and Bockius LLP

1701 Market Street

Philadelphia, PA 19103

There will be a reception on Friday July 15, from 5:30 - 7:30 PM.

I am certain that this talented young artist will continue to produce perceptive and compelling photography!

Chase Bank is Providing Excellent Customer Support Against Phishing Scams!

A Monkey Bob - Consumer Crusader Post

"Customers don’t expect you to be perfect. They do expect you to fix things when they go wrong." - Donald Porter

I recently received an e-mail that claimed to be from Chase Bank. It indicated that I was going to be charged $121.44 by an Internet porn company, unless I immediately responded with verification of my Chase credit card information. I suspected that this was a phishing scam because:

1) This e-mail was not signed by anyone.

2) There was no customer service number to call.

3) If the e-mail actually was from Chase, then they would already have my credit card information, so I wouldn't need to submit it again.

Wikipedia defines phishing as: "a criminal activity using social engineering techniques. Phishers attempt to fraudulently acquire sensitive information, such as usernames, passwords and credit card details, by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication. eBay and PayPal are two of the most targeted companies, and online banks are also common targets. Phishing is typically carried out by email or instant messaging, and often directs users to give details at a website, although phone contact has been used as well. Attempts to deal with the growing number of reported phishing incidents include legislation, user training, and technical measures."

Phishing is currently one of the largest consumer frauds in the world . No one knows exactly how much money is being stolen, but it is estimated to be in the billions -(that's "illions" with a "b"). And the rate of phishing incidents appears to be growing exponentially. Recent government reports indicate that this activity is being taken over by organized crime.

Anyway, back to Monkey Bob. After I suspected that this e-mail was a scam, I sent a copy of it to abuse@chase.com, which is the conduit that Chase recommends for reporting suspicious e-mails. Then I sent a letter to Mr. Jamie Dimon, who is the President and COO of JP Morgan Chase and Co. Today I received a response from Eloy J. Mosley, who is in the Chase Card Service Executive Office.

Mr. Mosley confirmed that I had received a phishing e-mail. He indicated that none of my Chase credit card accounts had been charged. He then went on to explain Chase's guidelines for contacting customers online.

"It is not our practice to:

• Send (an) e-mail that requires you to enter personal information directly into the e-mail
• Send (an) e-mail threatening to close your account if you do not take the immediate action of providing personal information
• Send (an) e-mail asking you to reply by sending personal information
• Send (an) e-mail asking you to enter your User ID, password, or account numbers into an e-mail or non-secure webpage

You should never reply to, click on, or enter any information if you receive a suspicious e-mail."

These are excellent guidelines for any suspicious e-mail.

I lump companies into two categories - 1) those that actively work to support their customers, and 2) those that don't. Chase Bank definitely falls into the first category!

Here I am - Monkey Bob - a regular working guy living in New Jersey. I am not wealthy, have no special connections, and don't possess any political influence. Yet Chase Bank - one of the largest financial institutions in the world - took the time to respond to my letter with comprehensive and helpful information. Kudos to you, Chase Bank for actually caring about your customers, and by backing it up with action! You have moved to the top of my Christmas Card List.

In the twenty first century, no company has "a lock" on their customers. The Internet and related technologies allow customers to have more information and to make more choices about who they will do business with. Chase Bank has embraced the concept that providing excellent customer service is the key to their company's success. I am certain that this philosophy will serve them well in the future.

"If you don't take care of your customers, someone else will."

- Unknown

Note: Neither I nor any of my primate friends received any compensation from Chase Bank for publishing this post. I felt compelled to do this because I believe that excellence in business should be promoted and rewarded!

Crammers are Taking Advantage of Consumers - and Getting Away With It!

A Monkey Bob - Consumer Crusader Post.

“There are three things in the world that deserve no mercy - hypocrisy, fraud, and tyranny.” - Fredrick William Robertson

It appears that I was recently "crammed" on my phone bill. The Federal Communications Commission defines "cramming" as:

“Cramming” is the practice of placing unauthorized, misleading, or deceptive charges on your telephone bill. Crammers rely on confusing telephone bills in an attempt to trick consumers into paying for services they did not authorize or receive, or that cost more than the consumer was led to believe."

Cramming is a big problem. This activity is scamming consumers out of billions of dollars each year. And the chances of crammers being caught and convicted are almost zero!

In March of 2007 a company called YP.Corp added a $27.50 charge onto my Verizon home phone bill - for something called "web maintain". I never requested or authorized this charge. When I contacted them about this, they sent me a refund check.

When I looked into this situation, the YP.Corp charge on my phone bill appeared to meet the definition for cramming. After a number of letter exchanges with YP.Corp, they still have not offered an adequate explanation for why I was charged.

In addition, I question YP.Corp's credibility because - in December of 2006, YP.Corp agreed to pay $2 million in refunds after settling in court with the Attorneys General of 34 states. In a 12-14-06 statement from The Office of the Attorney General of Missouri - Attorney General Jay Nixon said that "The businesses and organizations often did not realize that depositing an “activation” check for $3.25 from YP Corp. — which does business under the names YP.com, YP.net and Yellow-Page.net — triggered a monthly charge of $25 to $30 on their telephone bills or from their bank accounts for an Internet directory listing."

I filed complaints with government agencies because - even though I got my money back - there are probably thousands of people who were not refunded by the companies that use this questionable business practice. Because of the subtle way that it is done, many victims don't even realize that they are paying for something that they never wanted!

The YP.Corp settlement took place 6 months ago, and prosecution was only initiated after a considerable amount of time, and after a large number of complaints were collected and evaluated. But there doesn't appear to be any mechanism in place - for an individual consumer to initiate an effective government investigation of his (or her) cramming complaint.

The data below illustrates the steps that I took to try and start an government investigation of YP.Corps' charge on my phone bill:

1) I filed a complaint with the Division of Consumer Affairs for the State of New Jersey (where I live). It has been two months since I did this, and I have received no response.

2) I filed a complaint with the Division of Consumer Affairs for the State of Nevada, where YP.Corp has offices. All of the correspondence that I received from YP.Corp came from their Las Vegas, Nevada office. Instead of investigating this situation, the State of Nevada forwarded this complaint to the Division of Consumer Affairs for the State of Arizona, where YP.Corp has their headquarters.

3) Instead of investigating Nevada's forwarded complaint, the Arizona Division of Consumer Affairs forwarded this complaint to the State of New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs, the agency that still hasn't responded to me.

4) I filed a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission - who has a page on their website for filing cramming complaints. But their response to me said that this situation did not fall within their jurisdiction. They suggested that I contact the Federal Trade Commission. The obvious question here is - Why is the FCC collecting cramming complaints, when they will not take action on them? My guess is that this complaint page is supposed to make Americans feel like the FCC is protecting them against cramming, when in fact it is not.

5) I filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, who responded with a list of suggestions on how to protect myself from cramming. But they did not pursue an investigation of my complaint.

6) I filed a Mail Fraud complaint with the US Postal Service - twice - but have received no response.

Therefore it appears that no government agency is investigating individual cramming complaints - and then taking effective action against the guilty companies. So it looks like consumers will continue to be victimized by cramming - without adequate Government intervention or protection.

I welcome comments from my readers.

Note: At the time that this post was written, YP.Corp has not been charged or convicted of cramming - in my situation - by any court of law. However the evidence that I have presented in this post indicates that YP.Corp's charge (on my home phone bill) appears to be cramming.

Every responsible journalist has an obligation to present both sides of a story. I therefore invite YP.Corp to submit a response to this post.

Highlands Photographic Guild in Milford, PA

"Photography has always reminded me of the second child.. trying to prove itself. The fact that it wasn’t really considered an art.. that it was considered a craft has trapped almost every serious photographer." - Richard Avedon

Trudi and I recently discovered a fascinating photography collection in Milford, PA. It is the Highlands Photographic Guild. Based on the quality of their work, I am certain that these photographers can "hold their own" with any other art form.

I was captivated by this collection of well crafted photos, which were both compelling and eclectic. I have always enjoyed photo displays that present a number of different artists. Such an experience is both visually stimulating and intellectually rewarding. It forces you to categorize the different styles, and thus to better understand each photographer's point of view.

Karen Kruger, one of the 10 resident photographers, was kind enough to walk us through the collection, and to give us some background on each artist. Karen is in love with color. She uses it in a bold but controlled way. Her photos grab your attention, and elicit a powerful emotional and cerebral response. She is particularly gifted in her use of blue. Her photo of flagstone steps, a jar and a door mesmerized me. The different shades of turquoise, cobalt, and navy leaped out from the picture and overwhelmed me. It was a most pleasant experience!

Contact information - and hours - can be found at HPG. They also participate in Art After Dark, where a number of artists, musicians, and merchants stay open from 6-9 PM the second Saturday of each month. This sounds like a new and interesting activity for people (like Trudi and I) who find themselves doing the same thing every weekend.

After viewing the collection at the Highlands Photographic Guild Gallery, I challenge any painter or sculptor to claim that their art is on a higher level. These photos speak for themselves, and the message is that the Guild Gallery collection is fine art in every sense of the word!

Help Support an End to the Breeding of Chimpanzees for Research.

An organization called Project R&R, is collecting names on a petition to end the breeding of chimpanzees for research. If you want to add your signature, please click here.

The Chimpanzee Genome was completed in 2005. Scientists determined that there is less than a 2% difference between human and Chimpanzee DNA. We are genetically closer to chimpanzees that we are to Neanderthals.

This data provides a valid reason to rethink the use our furry cousins for medical research.

I welcome your comments (pro and con) on this issue.

Words of Wisdon from Richard Wagner

Based on what humans have done to our planet, I wonder if Richard Wagner's words are still true.

Perhaps Planet of the Apes would be an upgrade!

There Are Still Some Good People Left in the World!

This afternoon, I went into the Boonton, NJ Post Office to mail some letters. After I entered, I witnessed a very rude and obnoxious customer giving a hard time to the postal clerk who was waiting on him.

I was amazed by how well this postal clerk interacted with this customer. The clerk kept his cool and was very professional, even when he encountered insulting and condescending comments. I said to myself, "Now this is a guy who has some class and personal integrity!" That postal clerk was Vincent DeCristofaro.

Vincent and I started talking, and I explained that I was mailing letters in support of my fight against YP.Corp, a company that added a charge to my home phone bill, without my request, knowledge, or consent. In December of 2006, YP.Corp agreed to issue $2 million in refunds, after settling in court, with 34 State Attorneys General for improper business practices.

I informed Vincent about "cramming", which is a form of telephone fraud. I told him that many innocent people and groups - including charities, churches, schools, and non-profit organizations - are being victimized by this unethical business practice. It doesn't get much sleazier than to improperly take money from churches, schools, and charities!

Vincent informed me that he and a group of Italian friends recently started a non-profit organization called Vero Amici - which means "True Friends" in Italian. This group, designated as a 501(c), raises money for needy people and causes, including:

• Special needs children and adults

• Single mothers

• Buddies & Shadows - a program where mentors support the mainstreaming of high functioning Down's Syndrome people.

I was not surprised that an individual who would have the character to deal so well with a rude customer, would also be actively involved in charity work. It helped to reaffirm my faith in humanity!

Vincent informed me that almost 100% of the money raised by Vero Amici goes towards the causes that they support - a very impressive figure! I don't contribute to the large corporate charities because so much of the money raised goes towards overhead.

I encourage you to check out Vero Amici and to support their work. Kudos to you Vincent!

Petrarca Cucina E Vino - A Casual New York Trattoria with Superb Food and Wine!

Wikipedia defines Serendipity as "the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. The word derives from an old Persian fairy tale and was coined by Horace Walpole on 28 January, 1754 in a letter he wrote to a friend. The letter read,

"I once read a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip. As their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of."

Today was a serendipitous day for my wife Trudi, my sister Vicki, and I when we discovered a charming restaurant in lower Manhattan called Petrarca Cucina E Vino.

We originally set out from SoHo to participate in the TriBeCa Family Festival Street Fair, which we were told was located somewhere on Church Street. But alas, we found out - after walking down to the World Trade Center (about 20 blocks) - that the Street Fair was located elsewhere.

It was on the way back through TriBeCa that we happened upon Petrarca Cucina E Vino. I was immediately attracted to the restaurant by its resemblance to the trattorias that I frequented in Tuscany.

The interior was uncluttered, with nicely spaced tables, so that you didn't have to be involved in your fellow diners' conversations. The walls were lined with wine racks, interspaced with jars of preserved fruit. This environment made me feel like I could just "chill out" and enjoy a casual meal - something which is hard to come by in The Big Apple.

The wine menu was impressive, with a generous selection of Italian reds and whites. We chose a Super Tuscan "Corbaia" 1997 by Bossi. This turned out to be a full bodied and fruity red, with a wonderful bouquet, and a substantially long finish. It was a delightful discovery which we greatly enjoyed. Trudi has added it to our "We Have To Get More of This Wine" list. The "Corbaia" was $35 for a half bottle, which I thought was reasonable in a city where many restaurant wines come with three digit price tags.

Petrarca Cucina E Vino offers many of their best wines in half bottles, which I think is a smart marketing move. It allows diners to sample wines that might normally be out of their price range, and thus to increase their wine experience. It also increases the inventory turn for the higher priced wines, which can tie up a lot of a restaurant's cash.

During our meal, I spoke with Giorgio Conte, the Manager. He was trained as a sommelier. His talent and passion were clearly evident in the quality of the wine selection.

One thing that I don't enjoy about many restaurants is the wine glasses. Many are thick, clunky containers, without the full bow that allows you to fully appreciate a wine's bouquet. They look like they are designed more to survive hundreds of dishwashings than to optimize the wine tasting experience. This restaurant, to their credit, served our wine in the same quality wine glasses that we use at home. I give them high marks for this!

Petrarca Cucina E Vino also offers a Happy Hour from 4:30 PM to 7:00 PM on Monday through Friday. During this event, they offer 75 wines by the glass, and 350 wines by the bottle, an impressive number of choices for any New York restaurant!

For my entree, I chose Fettuccine Alla Bolognese, ($17.50) which was fettuccine with a red meat sauce. The portion was generous and the meat sauce melted in my mouth! It was so good that I wound up eating the entire portion.

Trudi opted for Pollo Paillard, ($17.50) which was grilled chicken with arugula, tomato, and onions. The chicken was juicy, with a nice caramelized glaze that blended perfectly with the vegetable topping. Trudi has traveled to Italy for over 20 years on business. She said that her chicken dish was as good as any meal she had in "The Old Country".

Vicki selected Penne Al Tonno, ($17.50) which was penne with fresh tuna, tomatoes, black olives, and capers. The chef was successful in broiling the fish into "The Perfect Tuna Zone". I define this as the degree of "doneness" where the outside has a delicious crust while the inside is cooked enough to take the raw taste out of the fish - but not so much that it loses the succulent texture that makes sushi so delicious.

We were also served wonderful Italian bread, with extra virgin olive oil.

No Italian meal is complete without a cup of cappuccino. Petrarca Cucina E Vino's offering was well prepared, and provided an enjoyable conclusion to our meal.

As far as service, our waiter was attentive, but not intrusive - a rare commodity in New York restaurants! In many places, you either can't find your waiter for half an hour, or they are hovering around you like a nervous puppy.

Conclusion: Very good food, an excellent selection of wines, and reasonable prices. Combined with a relaxed dining atmosphere and good service, I give Patrarca Cucina E Vino - 5 Bananas. I will recommend it to all of my primate friends!

NOTE: The Monkey Prose Restaurant Rating System goes from 0 Bananas (It makes Army food look good.) to 5 Bananas (An exceptional dining experience.)

No Touch Monkey! - by Ayun Halliday

I discovered "No Touch Monkey" during one of my weekly visits to Barnes & Noble. It was sitting on the "Hmm, that's interesting!" table - in between the Science section and an immense wall of "Chicken Soup for the ....." books. Boy, have they milked the last ounce of revenue out of that cash cow!

Being a monkophile, I was compelled to touch "No Touch Monkey" and give it a quick scan. After one paragraph I was hooked!

The author, Ayun Halliday, chronicles her journeys around the world, with a host of travel companions. As a young adult, she embraced the "I'm bulletproof" self image that many of us shared at that age. That sense of invulnerability is what allowed us to take on risky,and maybe crazy adventures that would have frozen older souls with fear.

Bruce Lee once said "The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering." In Ayun's travels, she acquired more fascinating experiences than many people encounter in a lifetime. And I am certain that the rest of her life will be richer for it!

The aspect that I enjoyed most about "No Touch Monkey" is that it was "a good read". Her story flowed smoothly - like conversation with a friend, when you are each on your third glass of wine. Her descriptive prose was colorful; forming vivid images in my head as she chronicled her exploits. The only other author who affected me this intensely was Ernest Hemingway - not a bad comparison for literary chops!

But unlike EH, Ayun doesn't take herself too seriously. She has a razor sharp wit, and a natural talent for discovering irony in whatever she encounters. That substantially increased my enjoyment of her book.

I finished "No Touch Monkey", a 272 page book, in four days, which is somewhat of a record for me. I was saddened when I was done. I felt like I was losing a new friend. As a result, I would read this book again, just to re-experience that relationship.

Summary: I give "No Touch Monkey" two opposable thumbs up. If you would like to experience the adventure of world travel, without encontering mayhem, missed connections, and malaria, then this book is for you!

You can find our more about the author at Ayun Halliday.

Among Chimps and Bonobos, the Hand Often Does the Talking

Chimpanzees, bonobos, and humans share a common use of gestures to enhance their communication. This implies that this trait is genetic and not cultural.

You can read this story at The New York Times.

Update on the Court Battle Over Primarily Primates Inc. in Texas

5-1-07
Associated Press

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Seven chimps formerly used in research at Ohio State University could be returned to a troubled primate sanctuary, nearly six months after being removed from the Ohio preserve amid allegations of mistreatment.

A probate judge last week returned control of Primarily Primates Inc. to its restructured board of directors, provided its founder and former executive director, Wallace Swett Jr., cuts ties with the company.

Nine chimps and three monkeys, used for cognitive research at OSU, came to the sanctuary in March 2006, in a more than $300,000 contract to care for the animals.

One of the monkeys escaped the day it arrived at the 75-acre facility in San Antonio, and two chimps died within months of moving in. Concerns arose quickly about conditions at Primarily Primates, and the chimps' former caretakers sued the sanctuary alleging mistreatment and mismanagement.

A judge eventually decided that a court-appointed caretaker should oversee the facility while the legal matters were sorted out, and placed Lee Theisen-Watt in charge.

Theisen-Watt decided the park was overcrowded and in terrible condition, a claim Primarily Primates disputed, and shipped the chimps to a sanctuary in Louisiana.

The agreement between Primarily Primates and Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott puts the park back under the control of the company's board, ending Theisen-Watt's oversight.

"The condition of the facility has been greatly improved and overcrowding has been alleviated," said Abbott's spokesman, Tom Kelley. The agreement requires Primarily Primates to build adequate enclosures for the chimps by October and submit to inspections over the next two years.

Critics note that the settlement reinstates two members who served on the board last year, including Priscilla Feral, who said she expected former board member Stephen Tello to be named temporary executive director.

Thanks to Benjamin Bayliss ctrkgrendel@yahoo.com and Monkeywire for this story.

Monkey Bob Discovers SOHO Artist - Alex Beard

Today my wife Trudi and I visited SOHO in New York City. For those not familiar with The Big Apple, SOHO stands for South of Houston Street. This is a section of the city in lower west Manhattan that is known for art studios, bistros, and eclectic retail stores. While there, we came upon the studio of Alex Beard, which was a wonderful discovery

This artist uses color in a bold and captivating style. Many of his paintings have the same visual impact as a neon sign. But instead of just splashing chroma onto his canvases with the wild abandon of a child's finger painting, Alex controls his use of color to create images which have a powerful immediate impression. But then, as you study the paintings, you can focus in on the symmetric complexity of his designs. This allows you to view his works on at least three or four different levels. I could easily study some of his paintings for half an hour or more, and still be discovering new information.

Alex's work is also whimsical. Many of his paintings represent animals and people in new and refreshing ways. I really enjoy artists who can present familiar objects from a different perspective. It makes me realize that the zebra or flamingo (that I thought I knew so well) can still teach me something about nature and life.

Some artists prefer to work in solitude, and then present their finished works to the world. However, Alex devotes a significant amount of his time to running childrens' workshops and other participative activities. He also encourages visitors to come and see him in his studio, while he is working. The Beard Studio also hosts cocktail parties and intimate dinners. Instead of seeing these interactions as an impediment to his work, I am guessing that Alex enjoys meeting people and that they increase his creative energy.

The bio in his brochures offers some background on Alex: "Born in 1970, Alex was influenced to think creatively from a young age by his uncle, Peter Beard, the photographer, and his mother Patricia Beard, an accomplished author and magazine editor. Alex grew up as a child among some of the world's most interesting and influential people. Andy Warhol, Truman Capote, and their Pop World cohorts were familiar faces in the Beard Household."

So if you are in SOHO, then I believe that you will enjoy a visit to Alex Beard's studio. It is located at:

Alex Beard Studio

77 Mercer Street

New York, NY 10012

Phone: (212) 274-0326

Website: Alex Beard Studio.

What Chinese Astrologers Say About Monkeys

China is a 4,000 year old civilization, so they must have accumulated a wealth of wisdom in that time period. Here is what Chinese astrologiers have to say about monkeys.

If you click on the picture, you will see a larger version, which will make it easier to read the text. However, when you are done, you must hit the Left Arrow button on the top left of your screen to be taken back to the Monkey Prose site. Otherwise, if you hit the red (Close) X button on the top right of your screen, then you will lose your connection to Monkey Prose.

I don't know how to fix this. Any suggestions?