Monkey Military to Replace US in Iraq

At a press conference today, President Bush shocked the world by announcing that all US military personnel in Iraq would be replaced by monkeys by the end of 2006.

Mr. Bush explained his decision. "Well, we've been battling those Muslim gorillas over there . . . and they've been giving us a real hard time. I think it's time we fight fire with fire, or gorillas with gorillas!"

During the Q&A period that followed, Sam Chaffee of the New York Times asked "Muslim guerillas are human, while jungle gorillas are animals. What makes you think apes can overcome a rebel force that has avoided defeat by the most powerful military in the world?"

Mr. Bush seemed surprised by the question. He responded "Uh, let me get back to you on that.", then quickly left the briefing room.

Afterwards, a shaken Tony Snow, White House Spokesman, refused further comment, saying "This plan is highly sensitive and we don't want to reveal details to the enemy."

Later in the day, CNN correspondent Alice White interviewed Sheik Mabahl Zahari, rebel opposition leader in Iraq. When asked about Mr. Bush's comments, Zahari stated "We are not intimidated by President Bush's monkey menace! Allah is our King Kong, and he will protect us!"