Port Authority Proposes Replacing Hudson River Bridge Crossing

The Port Authority of NY & NJ announced plans today to replace the aging Tappan Zee Bridge. This bridge has been in a state of constant repair for many years and is near the end of its useful life.

The new bridge will be called the Chimpan Zee Bridge. Chief Engineer, Kongo, is featured at left.

The bridge design will incorporate a number of new technologies, including:

An EZ-Vine Lane for commuters who want to get out of their cars and swing over traffic jams

And

Bamboo construction, to save on material costs

An all simian work force will be employed, to substantially reduce labor costs. The rapid depletion of the rain forests are expected to swell the work force, and thus reduce labor costs even more. The labor force will be organized into 12 monkey teams, which will be known as "barrels". This is being done to make the work environment more fun.

It is estimated that the team will finish the job under budget, because bribes paid in bananas will amount to only a fraction of their human equivalents.

Construction is scheduled to begin in 2010. A completion date has not been set yet, because monkeys can't count beyond 10.