A research paper published in this month's issue of Nature magazine states that the 60's band "The Monkees" really were monkeys.
The author, Russel Mankowitz of Columbia University, based his paper on blood samples (identified as being from the band members), which were recently discovered in a Red Cross facility that was slated for demolition. The samples had been buried in the bottom of a freezer that was used to store blood.
Dr. Mankowitz and his team of paleo-hematologists extracted genetic material from the blood and then compared the DNA sequences to humans and 10 closely related monkey species. Dr. Mankowitz said "The results were completely unexpected. . .
The Monkees were actually monkeys!"
The samples revealed that Michael, Davy, Micky, and Peter were in fact Bonobos, a type of chimpanzee. Dr. Mankowitz said "It really would have been more scientifically correct to call them The Apes, but gosh, we can't go and change history, can we?"
When asked why The Monkees looked so human, another member of the Columbia team, Dr. Ronald Grimes said "Well, there were a lot of hairy people running around back then. It was hard to tell the men from the women, let alone another species!"
The Monkees' legal counsel Aaron Simon, stated "There is no truth to this story. Even though they were labeled as such, it has not been verified that the samples actually came from The Monkees." He further added "All four Monkees voted Democratic in the last presidential election, and they made their votes widely known. Who would gain by discrediting them? You do the math!"
The Monkees have refused to submit to new blood tests. Their counsel explained why. "They want to be accepted for what they play, not their DNA." Monkees fans overwhelmingly support their decision.